Miles to Go Before I Sleep
by ryder77
Summary: Absolute obedience ensures you get obeyed, though not always how you pictured it.


**Disclaimer**: Code Geass belongs to Sunrise.

* * *

For nearly a day now Emperor Lelouch vi Britannia had refused to accept that what lay before him was real.

_It wasn't supposed to be like this._

The soft rustle of his robes and the click that came when he locked the door behind him went unheard amid the other sounds within the room. Soft sighs from behind an oxygen mask, beeping from various monitors, light dripping sounds from several fluid bags – all as if mocking him on his most recent failure.

He had won against his father – his oldest enemy. He had possessed the countermeasure to FLEIJA – the greatest threat to his power. He had won against Schneizel – the greatest threat to his rule. He had resisted his desire to favor Nunnally – his single greatest weakness.

"Two hours," C.C. had told him, "if at all."

With legs feeling heavier than lead, he moved forward to the source of the sounds, all the while trying to recall where despite all his planning, scheming, and Suzaku's cooperation: what did he miss? What made this happen? Where had he gone wrong?!

C.C. had already told him how it happened, and even now he was still in denial. His planning was flawless. His orders were absolute. Though he hadn't counted on his pawns being especially... _creative_ about obeying them.

To delay the Guren was the goal. To try and stop it was what he had ordered.

"At all cost," was the phrase he had used.

In hindsight he should have used that phrase more carefully, or not at all. He hadn't expected a mere foot soldier to think of using a crane from the lower decks of the Avalon to stop the Guren. The equipment was hurled expertly and had been timed so perfectly such that it penetrated the ceiling right into the Guren's path, impaling the Knightmare from just above the landspinners all the way through its cockpit. She probably could have avoided it, or at least detected it somehow, if she hadn't been occupied with C.C. and her Lancelot.

He had already left the Avalon then, working with Suzaku and the anti-FLEIJA when it happened. With the conquest of the Damocles and subduing the world, it was only now, more than twelve hours later, that he finally found the time to see Kallen.

Rather, who once was Kallen Kouzuki, former Ace of the Black Knights.

He released a shuddering breath as he took in the sight before him. He had heard a full account of her injuries prior to coming here, but it didn't prepare him enough for seeing them with his own eyes. The bones of her entire left arm were shattered, and had been amputated at the shoulder. All but the upper two of her left ribs were broken, and some had punctured her left lung. Her left lung, in turn, was removed by the surgeons to allow her to breathe through her right. The left side of her face was bandaged from her forehead moving over her left ear, which he heard was lost along with part of her scalp.

_Broken._

The doctors had thought it a miracle that she could still breathe on her own – though each breath was shallow and far in-between – and that there was apparently no damage to her brain. Though with the amount of pain she was probably in, the sheer amount of blood she had lost, and with her other organs failing one after the other, they didn't expect her to last until the next morning.

Which was less than two hours away.

_It wasn't supposed to be like this._

He had planned on (counted on) her facing off with Suzaku, letting him 'die' by her hand (and he was quite sure his friend wouldn't have it any other way), with neither side pulling their punches; fighting with both skill and heart. Gino had managed a convincing enough win, incensed as he was when he heard that Kallen had fallen; the Knight of Round and Black Knight Ace had grown close working together preparing for this last battle, it would seem.

No matter. With Suzaku dying as planned, Zero Requiem could still push through. All the world's hate could still be focused on him, and Zero could still perform that all-important miracle. But,

_It wasn't supposed to be like this._

He must truly have been deep in thought because he started when he finally noticed that she was conscious. That, and she was looking at him.

He moved closer to her bedside, letting his face catch some of the room's illumination. There would be no masks tonight; that much he decided on when he had locked the door behind him. He took the time to read her expression until he could move no closer. He especially took notice of her eyes.

_Listless._

The doctors would perhaps blame the painkillers she was given for that. He knew, however, he could only blame himself; he knew he caused her more pain than what she was feeling.

After some time she raised her right (remaining) hand, and it fell uselessly to the side of her face after failing to even get a decent grip on the oxygen mask in an effort to remove it.

_Weak._

With a gentleness that, until now only Nunnally had known, he lifted her head and very carefully removed the offending mask from her face. As he laid her head back down, he realized for the first time that he, in his thoughts, had just described her with three words he would never have associated with Kallen Kouzuki. How she always held her own despite overwhelming odds, how her eyes always burned with whatever she felt, how only she could ever be the Ace of the Black Knights, no part of her could ever be called broken, listless, or weak.

Until now.

"Why?"

Barely a whisper above the short gasps that were now her breaths, he had nearly missed it.

_Why indeed_, he thought as he pulled a chair close and sat on it. He knew that there were so many questions behind that single word, and he had all the answers that she wanted.

"Kallen, I..."

He wanted to answer them all; wanted nothing else than not let her die hating him. But there was simply too much to say with such little time that she had left.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this!"

Quiet, but no less anguished. Everything he thought and felt since learning about her condition amounted up to those few words, and he hoped she understood what he wanted to say. He knew, however that he should have said more; that she wanted to hear more. Perhaps it was embarrassment for the shortness of it that made him look away from her when he said them. When he looked back to her after a period of silence, she had looked incredulous. It wasn't what he hoped for, but not at all unexpected.

"I'm sorry."

In the next moment he thought he saw a flicker of determination in her eyes right before he noticed her hand move. _She's going to slap me,_ he thought. Inwardly he smiled, happy to have caught a glimpse of her old self. It probably would not hurt, but he closed his eyes and waited for it to land, anyway. _I deserve it._

-.o.O.o.-

"Oh, Lelouch."

He blinked at the image of Kallen standing before him: two arms, two legs, not a scratch or cut on her skin, not a bone broken. _Whole,_ he noted. Glad as he was of this development his next thought was, _how is this possible?_ Never mind that every part of her was white.

Or that she was naked. They both were.

He blinked once more. One of her hands was in a fist above her heart, the other was covering her mouth. Her eyes were wide open in a mixed expression of... Shock? Anger? Understanding? Guilt? _Pity. _He came to an understanding of what just occurred.

The moment her hand touched his cheek memories flooded out of him so suddenly he could barely react. Focusing on that instant, he recalled glimpses of those memories. Some have passed by in a flash while others had lingered, but all of them were already at the surface of his mind – things he wanted her to know.

Things that _she_ wanted to know.

His thoughts went back to the second before they entered this state of consciousness, and he thought there was something else in the determined look in her eyes; something red and-

"Yes," she replied to his unspoken question, "it's Geass."

"How–?"

In the next instant her memories of when C.C. helped pull her from the wreckage of the Guren played out in the space around them. C.C.'s Code had reacted instantly to her will to live when they touched. She was, however, completely surprised when she learned what form Kallen's Geass took.

_Are you sure that is all you wanted?_

_The world's going to hell, anyway,_ Kallen had replied, _I'll take what I can get._

"I wanted... to _know_," she explained. "All it needed was that you share them willingly," she continued, "and, in exchange, that you get to know what you wanted from me."

Kallen gasped when she saw herself pleading Lelouch's case with Ohgi and the core group shortly after their betrayal.

"Thank you," he said afterward. At her questioning look he explained, "I was worried that they tested you for effects of Geass. I don't even know how they do it."

She nodded in acknowledgement. "There was no further mention of Geass until you showed up in Pendragon."

"What _did_ happen in Kaminejima that day," she asked next. As her memory of strange lights above the island appeared around them, she prodded "The ruins we were in before, they were related to Geass, weren't they?"

She saw him frown a moment, then scattered images appeared around them. She couldn't make sense of them at all. It was, she thought, because he wasn't sure how much he wanted her to know.

After a while Lelouch sighed, and let her see all of it - from the time he escaped the Ikaruga to the defeat of the Emperor. All that followed were already revealed to her earlier.

"I see," she said when it finished. After a period of silence, a small smile graced her face as she said, "Can't help yourself from saving the world, huh?"

"I do whatever it takes," he replied in a matter-of-fact manner, crossing his arms. "How about you?"

With that, Lelouch summoned her memory of the Babel Tower incident. Kallen probably would have blushed if this place had allowed them to show some color. "Lelouch!" she admonished. In the next moment, however, they both laughed.

It had been a while since he was able to speak with her again like this, and Lelouch savored it. Probably their last, he let their "conversation" continue for as long as he could; any reminder of the fate that awaited her when they left this place he pushed back in his mind.

However, one pained gasp from Kallen brought them both from the silence of their thoughts to the loud beeps of various monitors. Her heart was already failing.

She was dying, and they both knew it.

"...scared," she gasped as she clutched at his robes.

"It's all right," was all he could offer, pressing her hand closer to his heart. "Just hold on. Just a little longer."

"That's it," she responded, "lie to me. Lie to everyone. Lie to the very end." Every word was spoken in-between gasps as she fought to stay alive.

"Promise!"

"Aa," he assented, recognizing the words she spoke to him that day in Shinjuku. "I promise."

Gradually, her grasp in his robes loosened, but he kept it there as if trying to keep her heart beating for as long as she could feel his.

"Oniichan," she whispered after a few moments, her eyes focused at the space behind Lelouch.

_It's time._

"Go with him, Kallen," he told her with quiet authority, slipping momentarily into his old role as Zero.

With one last look at him and one last sigh, the Ace of the Black Knights completed her last mission.

After long moments hunched over her now-cold hand and the long beep of the still-running monitors, the Emperor of the world stood up, straightened his robes and left the room. There was, after all, much work to be done.

* * *

**Author Notes:**

So sorry for coming back from the dead just so I could kill Kallen off. And not even at par with my older works (sigh).

This was one of my "Kallen gets a Geass" scenarios I've been playing around with. Another one's in the works, but it just kept getting bigger! Hopefully I can get around to actually finishing it before winter.

As always, reviews are appreciated.

~ryder77


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